An Evaluation on Motherhood - Year Five

After waiting 8 years to be a mother, you figured I would have been an expert by the time I became one or at least be well prepared.  But five years and two daughters later, I find it necessary to evaluate my hits and misses with the hopes that this self examination provokes a justified disciplinary action (for me of course) or at least a pretty good beating to snap me out of the rut that I've been on in these past few years.  

First, how was it when it all began?  Eager, excited, thinking naively that I am experienced and I already know what I need to know since I took care of my brother growing up and because apparently, I am more aware of how parents should train or act.  Why I even had the audacity to give advise to young parents and criticize those who don't seem to make the grade! When my firstborn came along, I had every intention to stand behind the principles I believed in that I should stay home with my kids, that being a mother does not mean giving up on your goals or your life in general, that my kids should always eat natural stuff and play with traditional, non electronic, mind stealing toys and that living green is a way of life that should be passed on to your children. Well, these were good intentions and frankly, they are not impossible goals at all.  Reaching them, however and living by them is another story.  By the time my youngest was born, I was barely hanging by the thread and on my way speedily to the way of conformity inevitable to many parents who lost their way and their identity to parenthood.  I thought, oh well, it's the way it suppose to be, it's only one of those sacrifices that you have to make for your children. Yeah maybe, so why then does it feel so awful.  Looking around the families of my culture, it seems I've been an over achiever. Most kids in my family and my husbands are usually left to fend for themselves, cared for by strangers or family members who usually slop them in front of the television and serve them ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner...everyday. Don't get me wrong, we are still very particular with many things for our kids, like brand name clothing, updated technology and expensive tuition to classes that will make up for the lack of quality time we spend we our kids everyday.  It's a lifestyle repeated too many times over and you wonder down the line why there's a canyon between you and them, why family values changed and why they don't hesitate to leave your side without looking back.  Ok..so maybe it is over stereotyping but it is a mentality so ingrained around me that I fought and still am fighting to be at least just slightly, out of that norm.

So after five years of trying, how did I do? Pathetic...at least on the terms I set for myself. My girls are growing in the same environment I fought hard in the beginning to avoid...too much TV, too much junk food, too little quality time, too little teaching time and too many toys (yes, even the electronic ones I once loathed). Feeling defeated I turned to the dreamers paradise...the internet and the blogs of those seemingly perfect families who seem to get right.  Now you figured that would have been the demise of the very last ounce of hope I may still have of renewing my determination to be a different and better mother, but on the contrary, it did me some good. It's a realization that these are not dreams of the weary but rather a reality that can be achieved. It's probably why I returned to this medium after such a long hiatus. Writing about the misses is the sort of therapy that is well suited for those of us who rather suffer in silence than openly exposing our weaknesses in real time rants (well, at least we suspend the judging until after they are written anyway).

So here's the list that's slightly similar to the one I started with, but it's something that's worth keeping and achieving;  more quality time, less TV, more teaching, less yelling, more playing, less toys (yes, some of the electronic ones could stay), more quality, less spending, more reading,  more devotion, more attention, more values and simply, more living and more forgiving.  It's a high standard for most parents but it's the way it should be for the sake of these little lives that we are entrusted with and a lofty goal that certainly can be achieved. 

Kudos to these awesome Moms and their families.....for inspiring us to keep believing!
cakies

annamariahorner

giddygiddy

soulemama
valleygirl