Seasons of Reflection

You know life is going by too fast when you find yourself wishing you can go back in time just to be able to chronicle everything back again.  Our days have been filled with many things both good and bad lately and yesterday became a very reflective day as the lesson of slowing down and getting real became necessary and need I say, painful.  It's been a different life here in San Jose.  Most days we find ourselves just going through the motions and not really getting any rhythm back to our day...maybe because it's really not just our day exclusively but part of it belongs to being a part of a mixed household that needs to work together CONSTANTLY to keep everything at a certain level or standard...not ours but we need to comply anyway.  It's been trying but as a consolation, I got caught in the old habit of impulse buying and credit card use and now comes the hard lesson learn of having too many bills to pay.  Because of it, I have to take part in that vicious cycle of working to keep up...well, actually more like, working to stay afloat.  Oh by the way, I'm also still pioneering and homeschooling so needless to say, everything around here is completely out of wack!

The girls are also bigger now and their needs have changed. I can no longer just keep them home when there's no money left to spend since well, we're not alone at home any more and sulking is just not possible when somebody is there for you to put out a happy face even when you don't really feel that way. We also have to keep up with the Jones...our fellow families with kids in the congregation and expensive weekends of eating out, boba drinks and outings galore.  It's a struggle for the rest of the week after that but you go on pretending because that's just how things are.  But it's not...we are a one income, homeschooling family, every penny should be precious to us since it's hard to come by and yesterday, my hubby had to stop me at my tracks just to remind me of that.  It's a hard lesson to learn but it was necessary to help me focus on what's really important...staying true to who we are as a family.

Now I look back and realized how much I missed because of not slowing down.  These pages should have been filled with stories of memories and moments that only those days can bring.  Reading through what's here helped me remember how more meaningful everything was when we didn't have a lot and when having little to keep up with were actually days that were better spent.

I know we can do better and perhaps in the process we can be blessed with our own space again and be who we really are as a family...content with the simple pleasures and things and happy despite all that's lacking.  

Perhaps this time I can chronicle that journey here while at the same process trying to recall what had come to pass over the last few years and find satisfaction again in the process.  Let's just see how it goes and hope for the best.